Well, I did say that I wouldn’t be able to get a new blog up until later on this week due to my hospital appointment today. However, I was seen very quickly and home within two hours of being picked up by hospital transport. And seeing as though I don’t really feel very tired and my eyes aren’t really hurting, I thought I may as well get something done before I die of boredom.
The title of this blog is a quote by the wonderful Jacksepticeye.
Shall we begin?
I have to go to the hospital every few months to keep track of my eyesight. As many of you know I am registered blind and have several conditions which I have already mentioned in a previous blog, so I won’t bother to repeat myself. It would be a waste of your time and mine, but feel free to message me if you have any questions.
Usually, when I go for my check-ups, I have to see several doctors as my conditions are so complex. This means that I’m there for quite a few hours and have to have a number of eye drops. However today, well it was a very easy visit. I only had to have one lot of eye drops in which was brilliant as I hate having them at the best of times. I’m sure there are lots of people who will agree with me!
I had a retinal scan of both of my eyes today, something my mum did not enjoy watching. It was difficult to get a clear image of the backs of my eyes as I suffer from nystagmus as my eyes isolate involuntary. But eventually the doctor got an image and I saw the consultant.
This is something I have done many times before, I know what to expect. What I didn’t expect was the consultant to tell me that I could suffer from retinal detachment and that if I suddenly get black spots or flashing lights in mu eyes then I have to go straight to casualty in the eye department.
So the definition of the above-mentioned conditon is “Retinal detachment occurs when the thin lining at the back of your eye called the retina begins to pull away from the blood vessels that supply it with oxygen and nutrients.” (NHS Choices)
Basically, this means I could go blind in one or both eyes if any of the symptoms appear.
And I know that you all must be thinking. And I’m really okay with it. I mean, sure it’s scary and everything, but I always knew I was going to lose my sight. It’s just the fact that it has a name now that makes it scary.
But as Dumbledore once said in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. “Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself”
I’m glad the consultant was straight to the point. He told me that there is no magic cure, that my sight will probably go all together at one point and that it was just best to keep an eye on the deterioration. I’d heard this all before, but it was the fact that he spoke to me as an adult, not as a child. This is something I really did appreciate.
It’s made me realise how old I am. I will be twenty-one in a few months. And I bet some of you are reading this thinking “she’s so young” and the like, but I don’t feel young. My grandmother said that I am old before my time and I think she is absolutely right. I have gone through things no one my age should, I have battled things that most adults wouldn’t be able to understand and I still made it out the other side. I’m not saying this to give myself an ego boost or to get sympathy, far from it. If you haven’t gathered that I have the lowest self-esteem and confidence around, well read my old blogs! I’ve said it before, there is nothing special about me, and I have simply done things the only way I know how, just by cracking on with a smile and a laugh.
Because what else can you do? There is no use getting upset over something the inventible, no point of crying over something you can’t control. There are things that you can’t control, things that will happen no matter what you do. And the faster you understand that the faster you can move on with your life.
I have long since learned to take comfort in the little things. In the things that make the day just that little bit brighter. we all need something to keep us going. Like a hot cup of tea or as a song you really want to listen to comes on shuffle. And even now, as I sit here listening to the rain hitting the window, I realise how lucky I am. I do have friends who care about me, I am pursuing a career in something I love and even though I have been knocked down, I have always gotten back up and tried again. Sure, there have been hiccups and tears before bedtime, but i am still here, aren't I? I'm still fighting away. I mean, if I can do it, you definitely can!
The way I see it, what's done is done. You can't turn the clock back, you can't change anything that has happened. So stop worrying about it. Tomorrow is a brand new day. You can literally do anything. So do it. Don't let anything or anyone hold you back, I don't care how many times i need to say it.
I'll leave you with these words of wisdom.
"Nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy" -Dr.Kelso, Scrubs.
“I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it's really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.........But in the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be, with the help of those around you, you'll get through this too." -J.D, Scrubs.
"Once every day your life starts again.
No one can say just how or just when.
Somehow the world turns inside out and then...
What if? What if?
What if you wonder?
What if?" -If/Then, the musical.
Until the next time.