Hello once more!
I sincerely apologize for not being very active this week. Alot of stuff has been happening and It's been very hectic. I haven't really felt like posting anything last few days, but more on that later! There's an incentive to keep reading folks.
Before I start, I should probably mention that the title of this blog is a lyric from the song Anything Can Happen by The Finn Brothers. I highly recommend this song. It has lifted my spirits each time I’ve listened to it and given me the energy to go outside and get stuff done. So listen to it if you feel like you need a mood boost!
So, on we go.
Monday started off like any other Monday really. I and Yashka journeyed to uni for our nine am lecture which went fine, nothing to complain about there. I usually meet with a specialist mentor on a Monday afternoon to discuss how things are going, both at uni and at home. I had about an hour to wait so I decided to go and get a cup of tea and wait in the student cafe for a bit. Whilst I was there, a lad saw Yashka in full harness and exclaimed
"Look, it's a blind dog!"
His friend then corrected him by saying "it's not a blind dog, it’s a Guide Dog."
I said nothing, but smiled as someone was educating their friend about the correct name of a working dog. Later, when I got home, I posted a status about this event. Bear in mind that I get these sort of comments, and worse, several times a day and my patience does tend to wear a little thin. After posting the status, I got one hell of a backlash. A guy, who I had never spoken to before, but I knew of him as he is supposedly on my course at uni, but probably has dropped out. He made several very harsh comments about how this particular guy who called Yashka a 'blind dog' may have had mental issues and I was basically humiliating him.
This really got me. This is the first proper hate I have got since becoming more public about my life and my writing. How dare someone speak to me and assume horrible things? He don’t know me. He doesn't know that I suffer with mental issues myself. Several people got involved and it escalated very quickly. I appreciate people sticking up for me, but this one guy would not back off. I would not belittle someone on purpose, I am not that sort of person. I hate hurting people. With hindsight, I could have worded the post a little differently and been a little more sensitive with my word choses. But, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, we all have our own voice. This is the whole point of me blogging. To use my voice. I am much more confidant typing my words than speaking them out loud. That doesn't make me a coward. Each person has their own ways of getting their own opinions, their own ideas and thoughts out. And they shouldn't be made to feel small or ashamed for speaking out. I was innocently sharing my experience and got torn to shreds for it.
I am aware that this not be the last disagreement or hate I get. I'm sure I will get plenty more. It was just a shock of it. I'm glad it happened, it has taught me a valuable lesson. The more I make my voice public, the more attention I will receive and the more likely it will be that someone won't like what I am saying and attempt to bring me down.
Well, you know what? No. I refuse. I have these last few days feeling horrid and very down. But why? I didn't do anything wrong, not really. I didn't mention any names, it's very unlikely I will ever see that young man again. But I was still punished for venting some of my annoyance? Is that not acceptable? I never got hat memo, no one told me that we have to keep our experiences to ourselves and keep quiet in a corner until all our emotions overwhelm us and we die. I'm not going to do that. I will speak out about my experiences and share my thoughts and feelings with the world. Because who else is going to do it? Maybe I can make someone smile with my blogs, or help them in some way. If that happened, it would make my year. I was you to be able to relate to my blogs and feel a sense of reassurance that there is someone else out there who have the same feelings, who might be experiencing something similar.
So to that guy who was bullying me, you must be very lonely and have issues yourself if you feel you have to comment on someone’s status the second after they post it and tear the writer to shreds. Did it make you happy? Did you get a sense of pride or righteousness for pulling someone else down? Well good for you, I hope it was short lived. Because I will not let your snide remarks get me down. I will not back down, I’ve come this far now that there is no way I'm going to slink back under a rock.
Writing these blogs have given me so much confidence. The fact I'm getting views means the world to me. People actually enjoy reading my rambles and writing that it inspires me to carry on. So that's what I'm going to do. How very British of me.
Up next, Tuesday.
After discussing the events of Monday night with my friends, I was feeling a little better. That was until I was working Yashka back through the centre of town with a friend. I didn't realise that there were two beat boxers getting ready to preform right across the square from each other. We walked right past them as they began to perform. As you can guess, this did not go down well with Yashka. And I can't blame her for being freaked out. The noises the two men were making were very loud, it made me jump. Yashka began to freak out and try to get away from the noise as quickly as possible. Luckily, I was with a friend who I trusted completely so I felt relatively safe as I tried to calm Yashka down. We managed to get her to the nearby shopping centre where I did some obedience to get her attention back on me. She eventually calmed down after a while and we journeyed home. Although this wasn't as bad as it could have been, it still shook me up. I mean, two indents in two days? Someone must really hate me. But, once more, I am glad it happened. Because I now know how much I have progressed, how far I have come. Months ago, I would have reacted so much more extremely. I would have been upset and been unable to control my emotions. But this time, this time I was focused solely on Yashka and went about everything as if nothing had happened. I have gained more experience that I can use next time should a similar incident arise.
On a lighter note, I had a trip to Liverpool on Friday. This enormously lifted my spirits. I needed some time away from home, even if it was just for a day. I had to leave Yashka at home, under the watchful eye of my mum for the day as it would have been completely unpractical to take her with me.
I love Liverpool. It’s been on my bucket list for quite a while now and I leapt at the chance to go. We visited several museums, including the museums of Liverpool, the Maritime museum of Liverpool and the Tate. We stayed mostly at the Albert Dock, which I fell in love with. I fell in love with the city, I can imagine myself living there one day. It's so different from my hometown. I literally live in the middle of Derbyshire, so it’s always a struggle to get transport to places. I love Derbyshire, don't get me wrong. But I also hate it. It's very rare for me to journey beyond Derby. I think this is why I loved Liverpool so much. The chance to walk along the river front is one I haven't had for a while. It also seemed apt that it was quite rubbish weather, it was very windy and rained on several occasions. But it seemed right, it felt proper. For me, it was a little break. A chance to enjoy myself without worrying about anything really. But then, when I got home, reality hit me. I had a dog I needed to care for, I had university work to do, I had blogs to write and a website to maintain and I still had to sort out my student finance for next year. It was sad, but I think it did me the world of good.
Because this is the thing, none of us are in control of our lives, not really. It's the actions of others that change, manipulate and bend our actions and our responses. They force us to make decisions, to take a certain path. Even if we think we are doing it for ourselves, that it is our choice and ours alone, there is probably someone, somewhere who has pushed you, who suggested something that lead you to that moment, that panicle. You stand on the edge of a blade, on the precipice, waiting for something, anything to help us, to guide us to make the right decision.
Wow, I’ve gone all psychological, sorry about that. But the point still stands. Anything can happen, seriously anything. You might bump into an ex-lover, you might miss the bus but meet the person who you're going to spend the rest of your life with. Bit of a push that last one, but it could happen. Life is funny, isn't it? It has a weird way of throwing things at us and we are expected to deal with them. To make the best with what we have got. I am a very pessimistic person, I don’t think positively in the slightest. But when I am writing these blogs, I am positive, I do see the best in people and the vast array of possibilities that await me. But I have learnt not to get my expectations up. Things never really turn out like your dreams, do they? We are always disappointed with the outcome, one way or another. This is why I say, don’t think about the consequences and just do it. Apply for that job you have always wanted, ask that guy or girl out that you like. Tell someone what you really think of them, in a delicate and structured way of curse. As I have said in other blogs, we deserve to be selfish once in a while. We can't keep everyone around us happy. Sometimes you have got to do what's right for you. So speak your mind and don't back down from an argument if you feel strongly about it. Screw everyone else, people come and go anyway. No one sticks around forever. Learn to be on your own, enjoy those quiet moments of solitude. Don't be afraid to speak out, even if you upset someone. Because that's life. Everyone gets hurt sometime, everyone cries, laughs and hates. You'll soon find out who really matters in your life. But at the end of the day, it's not important. Don't feel pressured by those around you, you are our own person. It’s your decision, not your friends or your families’, it's yours. All that matters is you, it's your life. Go out and live it. For the both of us.
I’ll leave you with this quote,
Sam: This is it.
Frodo: This is what?
Sam: If I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.
Frodo: Come on, Sam. Remember what Bilbo used to say: “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” -The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Until the next time!