I apologize for not doing a proper blog for a few days, I've been super busy with uni. And I haven't had much inspiration or motivation to write anything. I'm already behind on my uni work. But anyways, this blog is going to be a bit different and quite personal to me. But I feel like I should get it out there, share my experiences as there might be people going through the exact same thing.
So here we go!
I should start off by saying the title of this blog is a lyric from the song Recovery by the wonderful Frank Turner. It seems fitting that the song title accompanies the subject of this blog. This is completely by coincidence, it came on my music and I sat listening to it, thinking 'wow this is relevant' so I decided to use it as the blog title.
So, today's blog is going to be about relationships and well, getting over them.
I was in a long distance relationship with a person that lasted, on and off, so nearly three years. Long distance relationships are never easy, it takes lot for a person to keep a long distance relationship going. You can get suspicious of your partner, just as they will of you. You don’t know what they’re doing every second of the day and the distance is just downright horrid. The light at the end of the tunnel is when my partner decided to go to the same university as me, but her course is based at a different campus. We both thought this was the best option for our relationship. However, it wasn't. We broke up several times over silly things and some quite serious things that I won't mention. But we always got back together, we were able to forgive each other.
That was, until February 2016. This is when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I will never be certain what sparked it, I have suffered in the past, but it was never on the same scale as that month. I ended up being put on medication to try and help. My partner could not understand why I had gotten so depressed. They constantly kept blaming them self and how it was all their fault. No matter how many times I told them it wasn't, that it was just one of those thing, they refused to accept it. They asked how I could be depressed if I was in a relationship.
News flash: just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you can't develop mental illness. And it does not mean it will simply go away either!
We had a massive fight and decided to break up, mainly because I needed to get myself sorted out first. I needed time to get better and fight my demons. the way I saw it, is how could I be in a relationship and be there for someone and help them, when I couldn't even help myself.
We haven't got back together. And I doubt we will. That relationship is over and done with. They have moved on and is now in a new relationship. I mean, I’m happy for them. But that kind of lifestyle is not for me. I can't go from one relationship to another. I don’t think I will be in a relationship for a long time. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. And think of the advantages of being single!
I was working Yashka beck from uni on Friday afternoon when I saw my ex. I'm pretty sure it was them. They didn't say anything, just carried on walking. This was fine by me. I wouldn’t know what to say anyway.
It was really hard to get over that relationship. And there’s part of me that never will fully get over it. I think that's true for all of us. We all remember past relationship, whether it’s with happiness, remorse or hate. Its human nature. It’s normal for us to look back to the past and reminisce. But it comes to a point where you have to move on, you have to forget.
I have trouble with moving on. I need full complete closure on something to feel at peace. It takes me a while, I need plenty of time to grieve and remember before I can move on.
Because I saw my ex on Friday, I realised that I had not completely gotten over the relationship. So I attempted to get in touch with her. We had mutually blocked each other on social media, so that wasn’t an option. And she had also blocked my number from her phone. So I had no way in getting in touch with her.
Therefore, I took matters into my own hands.
I still had quite a lot of her stuff at my house, DVDs, clothes and other things I know she would like to have back. Since I had no way of getting in touch with her, I decided to go to her flat. This did mean getting a bus with two large bags full of stuff. I can say that it wasn’t a fun trip to her flat, at least it wasn’t raining. That would have made things ten times worse. I decided to head to town pretty early to beat the rush of families and gangs of kids. After arriving at her flat, I was kindly let in and went upstairs, worried about not being able to remember her fat number or bumping into her current partner. Who I am certain would have punched me. However, I got there in one piece. I was knocking on the door for a good ten minutes. No one answered. I get that it’s a Saturday morning and they are students and what have you, but if someone is knocking constantly or a long period of time, surely you would go and answer it? Apparently not.
I left the bags outside her flat. If she got them, maybe they got nicked or whatever, it’s not my reasonability anymore. I did my part. I couldn’t have done much else. So I left and journeyed home, free at last.
I am in no way promoting this sort of behaviour, there are much better ways of going about it. But I didn’t have many options. I mean, I could have just left it in one big pile for her to find or binned the lot, But I didn’t want to do that, I knew some of the stuff was sentimental and it meant a lot to her. I tried my best and that’s all that matters. Nothing more I can do now, it’s out of my hands.
However, the sense of accomplishment I felt when I left the building was, well it was brilliant. I don’t think I ever felt that happy for a while. As I suffer from anxiety and depression, doing something like this is not only out of character for me, but it took a lot of guts. Especially as I did it on my own. I felt like I had achieved something, I had conquered some of my demons. Now I think, if I can do something as bug as this, then I can do anything really. To some of you, this might not be a big deal, but it certainly is or me.
I feel like I can finally let go of the relationship and of my ex. I feel like I can close the door on that part of my life and move on, start something new. Of course, I may still see my ex from time to time. We do both live in the same city after all, it’s inevitable. But I feel like I can get over it much more easily.
I got so used to texting my ex every single day that it was so hard to let go. I depend on them for a lot, even when we weren’t on the best of terms. They were always there for me. It’s hard to go from having that support to not talking whatsoever. But it can be done. I am proof enough. Yes it has taken me a few months to do it. But it is possible. Some people can get over relationships in a blink of an eye. Others, it takes much longer. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, you will do it in the end. And one day you will realise that you haven’t thought about them in a long time. That you haven’t been in touch in a few months. You may not forget completely, but it will become easier. You’ll start living life for you and you only. It’s up to you. You’re the one who decided what to do and how to do it. But that doesn’t mean that you have to rush yourself. Take all the time you need. However, you cannot keep wallowing in the past. You cannot grieve forever, because you will stop living. And that is the worst thing that can happen.
There are enough ‘how to get over a relationship’ blogs and guides out there. You can read them as many times as you can. But what they suggest isn’t always easy/. For example, the no contact rule was very hard for me. I struggled to do it, but I did it eventually. Similar t this, the go out, do something new and meet new people is just not accessible to me. I don’t do peopling at the best of time, so go out and meet new people? No thank you. So I came up with my own solutions.
One is listening to music. I tend to listen to instrumental music a lot, but I also listen to my favourite songs on repeat as I know they will make me feel better. I also turned to movies, TV shows and books. I have recently got into the Harry Potter fandom and this has been a saving grace for me. When I get into a new fandom I become obsessed and everything else takes a back seat. This was a brilliant thing to happen. Well, maybe not for uni, but or getting over my ex. I got through the films and books (I am still on The Deathly hallows, I don’t want to finish it, because then it will all be over and I can’t deal with that. I hate endings!) I occupied myself with things that would keep me entertained and happy. I have to keep busy, it’s rare I can sit idly and do nothing. Its only when I’m ill that this happens. So I kept myself busy. And look at me now. Happier than I have been in a very long time. Of course I relapse and have dark days, but I’m getting better. As can you. If you really want it.
A few songs that helped me are:
Somebody That I used To Know by Gotye.
Let Go by Lucy Spraggen.
Remembering Sunday by All Time Low.
Get Better by Frank Turner.
F**k You by Lily Allen (contains swearing)
If I Ever Stray by Frank Turner
Dead Hearts by Stars.
Change by Poets of the Fall
Brave by Sara Bareilles
Hand of Sorrow by Within Temptation.
No all of these songs are relationship related, but they have helped me a great deal. I am aware that i may have posted these songs before, But I just thought i'd attach links to them, just cause why not.
So that brings us to the end of another blog. I apologize that there hasn't been much writing in this, I will make it up to you all.
I'll leave you with this quote.
“We can’t choose our fate, but we can choose others. Be careful in knowing that.” --Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Until the next time!